What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
