Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
