Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
