it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is Oprah even human
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
