yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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