Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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