So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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