my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ate ashes out of my bong
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
