Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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