SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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