also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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