we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
