Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
