yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
