I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize