he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
