Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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