And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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