you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
