Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How external is "for external use only"?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
