im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
