i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
