Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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