My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
