It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
