he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize