somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
