Need sex. Gaining weight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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