please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Houston, we have a blender
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
