I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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