The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
