theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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