ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
