we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
