since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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