Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
