Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
