if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
