Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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