so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
