fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
