please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
