I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
