My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
