Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
