he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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