He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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