I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
