he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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