it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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