The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.