i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I believe in your delicious
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all