it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
