he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
