I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
