So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We are all done wearing pants today
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
