He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
