I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
