There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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