I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
