I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
