Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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