we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
