i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pants are for mortals
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
