apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
