thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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